A man signs up for a challenge. The challenge consists of walking blind folded in three different situations. The first is at a familiar place, the second at an unfamiliar place and the third with an unknown goal. The man accepts each task as they seem doable. At the familiar place, his home, though blinded he could remember and picture in his mind every object. He could visualize what the room looks like and he shows great ability moving around the obstacles. He enjoys accomplishing that task knowing that if he did lose sight he could still remember.
The next task he sees as a true challenge. In the unfamiliar place, he feels intimidation. He steps forward and discovers his surroundings. He could with touch, smell and at times taste describe where he is and what he encounters. He feels empowered with each task. On the last task they leave him at a walking trail without a goal or destination. For this task however, they do not cover his eyes. He doesn’t see the reason for this last task, yet continues.
When the man begins his walk he takes a brisk walk to finish the silly challenge. A few hours pass and though he’s fine in health and could walk longer, he stops. He complaints about the pain in his legs, the aches in his body and wonders when the task ends. He rests for a while and walks again for a short time. He then decides to jog for a while and see if he can arrive at his destination sooner. After another hour, he stops. He rethinks the original request realizing he doesn’t know if he’s suppose to find the end of the path, finish it or something else. He walks again and screams to see if anyone would respond, no one does. He continues while his frustration grows and with every step he feels more insecure in his purpose. He feels defeated as he talks to himself about the hours and days lost pursuing these tasks. After a few hours they come for him and take him home. Glad to finish the challenge yet upset that he most likely lost it, he asks about the goal of the last task. They respond, the goal is to walk.
Author’s note: There is nothing that drives a person madder than to not know where they are heading, even if they can see and all they know is they cannot do anything at all but wait. The waiting eventually ends, even if not in the outcome we expect.
Excitement and hormones encourage the blood pumping and the race begins, when it first slows down. When she feels ready to start this stage of her life, she finds out changes take time. Her body gains weight and she looks forward to showing her baby belly, yet the weight does not give her a sweet bump but a hefty look. She feels that everyone that sees her wonders. She can almost hear their assumptions.
“She’s really letting herself go. You think she’s depressed?”
“I thought she was working out, maybe she’s not as much?”
No one asks her what is new in her life and she doesn’t feel ready to share it anyways. Some people know from experience, you never ask unless its obvious. They wait to ask when they a see a woman rushing to the hospital, doing her breathing exercises and screaming. It’s safer for them to ask between contractions than being wrong. The embarrassment alone of being wrong and offending a woman who is not expecting and is in fact overweight is enough to send some to seclusion for days. They know, you do not ask.
At this stage no one can tell except her, the one with ravenous hunger, queasiness, potential mood swings and the frustrated dresser. However, she figures a way to calm the curious by a simple gesture. She rubs her belly and rests her hand under her belly leaving the observer quiet as they see she is expecting. Even so, who dares to ask?
A fresh morning air flows through the wind socks on the hats of several visitors. It flaps the free hats with wide brims showing the sponsoring brand of motor vehicles or airplane manufacturers. Grand Champions of the past wipe down the morning dew and wax the Ferrari red from the wings and bodies of their pride and joy. Years in the making, these home-built increase the white hair of their owners and lighten their billfold. There is nothing greater though than admiration from years of dedication, hard labor and courage to build and fly one’s own.
The crowds trickle in spurts carrying plastic bags from the last building. They carry new freebies from this year and a few hang from the loops of their pants or fanny packs. Paper fans, battery operated fans, candy, flyers, stickers, flags, key chains and remove before flight tags flinch at the mass of bodies moving down the corridors. Each visitor has a personal opinion, a story to share or a memory to create. Each salesman or booth worker asks themselves at every hour, when their lucky time will come. They know all too well what happens at each airshow. They know the crowds, the feelings, the pride, the comments and many at times they know your story too.
One man approaches and decides to speak to a particular company member. He asks her questions to test her knowledge on the products and aviation. She seems to know and answers adequately, therefore, the man needs to find a weak point. He names the several planes he flies and the times he flew them in and how he manages to keep them running on his own private airstrip. She nods and agrees those are fun airplanes and they do take plenty of maintenance. He impresses her more to state the various reasons to why he would not buy the product she sells. She responds to each concern and adds the reasons why the product would fit his flying. He continues to ask until he finds the weak point in the product. It does not match his equipment or avionics. He’s particular to a certain brand. He walks away shaking his head at the simplicity and irrelevancy of the product. She steps back to nod to a colleague, yes she is the lucky one for this hour.
A brain disconnect is an understatement. It’s easy to understand that with the physical changes in your body, stress alters your way of life. There are plenty of thoughts that float in a woman’s mind, more so when there is a baby on the way. Nevertheless, there is a pause. A pause that has no excuse or explanation. It is when in the middle of a conversation you cannot remember the topic anymore. It is where a place you drive to every day becomes a game of Marco Polo as you take the wrong turn and don’t remember the street names. Forgetting or losing keys is a thing of the past. Your present is leaving a toddler outside the door of a car while you strap your seatbelt on and see his or her face looking up at you from outside. Organizing the day is a blank sheet of paper or a blank paper towel, either one serves a purpose if you could only think of what it is you want from it. Tears flow in response to all of it as frustration becomes your ally to the feeling of dumbness. In the end, there is a point to this, your creativity and problem solving skills diminish. If only for a brief time, the baby feeds from your intelligence since conception. It sets in motion a new trait, the mommy brain. Though at times making connections is harder than ever, it also leaves eyes behind the back of your head and the supernatural ability to multitask in the seasons to come.
Author’s Note: Cheers to the mammas that make it work with exhaustion and sometimes with half the brain cells. 😉
We do not ignore or forget that words have a power of life and death. We exercise freedom of speech to build the muscle of the tongue that it’s often hard not to hear or to quiet down. I find myself with a noisy mind too often and I struggle to rest. Today I heard, “The battle is won in silence.” In the midst of many arguments and speeches, can an individual win without giving voice to his/her opinions? If our tongues are not loose and free is it possible to gain someone’s listening ear? I too have many things to speak and share, yet today’s word is silence.
Before we learn to speak, our crying spoke for us. As we develop we begin to express with motions and signals. We point and we mimic sounds all before we begin to use words. After the words develop in our tongue, do we grow in any other form of communication?
Two men driving in separate cars could not communicate their anger through the noisy honks and whistles of the train, so they gesture at one another from inside their own vehicles.
An older woman born mute uses sign language and sounds to try to communicate to friends, even when she herself cannot utter a complete word. They try very hard to understand her and she delights in their efforts.
A woman walks alone after a hard day at work. She walks around the neighborhood trying to shake off the harsh words of her boss and the snickering gossips of her co-workers. Tomorrow she has to face them again and not say a word.
How do you win the battle in silence? Do you show who you are with your actions and let those words that rise against you fall into deaf ears? The battle is won in silence for the loud words, opinion and speeches will show truth or lies in time. Therefore is silence simply waiting?
When the body makes peace with all the changes to come, a sudden rest takes over. A small bit of bliss gives hope to the life forming within. Most women for the first time stand with their hips forward. They push their gut out and their hands rub their belly. Truthfully there is nothing to show, except that it’s well to gain weight and to loosen a bit. Other women work hard to delay the process. It is a defeat they will not take lightly. No one will say what their body will look like and have dominion over it. We find these two standing beside each other, one comments of how wonderful the changes will be, the other comments on her efforts to support her current lifestyle. There is of course a third, who waits and perseveres to hear her good news. She passes all the tests, she knows her choices and as she looks around at the mothers that will carry their own, her own another will carry. Hers will be one born of her loving heart, her body unaffected but her heart continually struggles. Her heart will bear the stretch marks as she waits. How will these relate when in the end they will hold in their hands someone they expected but could truly never know what it takes to rear it. A child will change their lives but how it will, they are still learning. Guts out, work outs or hearts yearning, let your journey inspire another.
Author note: Do not let your journey be a private one. Can someone’s wisdom inspire you or can you inspire another? We have all different approaches and beliefs, however we share one common goal to love our children.
There are days…
I seem to want to finish that sentence every chance I get.
There are days…when an overwhelming ticking sound reminds me of every deadline, personal expectation and calendar date as it approaches. Time seems to laughs at me as it rushes by leaving me frazzled with my hands full and nowhere to lay these things down.
There are days…which encourage the to-do’s and the should have’s and the wants to grow around me like weeds.
There are days…where I look above these weeds that choke me to see fly past me the hidden goals in my heart.
There are days…that beckon me to ride fast, fly high or take a dive, dropping all my worries behind.
There are days…I would just like to run, to run away from all responsibilities, demands, and roots that hold me down.
There are days…and this I forget. There are more days than this day, so I take a deep breath do what I must, surrounded by what I love and think. There are more days and I will not faint.