Perhaps what we are meant to do is to work with what is already in our hands. It may seem quite simple but truthfully it is not what I usually focus on. My goals and dreams are bigger than what I can reach. I often pursue them while I sacrifice the now to achieve the future. I know what happens when I do that, life happens. No matter how I resist my current state and extend my hand to a higher calling, it always seems to pull me down to what is now calling my attention. The more I fight it, the more my hopes and goals take a hit, the more disappointed I am and the more of a failure I feel. If I begin to narrow these things to what is truly important, I may just may get somewhere.
I’d love to be a writer. One that actually has time to write on a daily basis, one that works on a novel and extends that even to other fields of writing. I would love to be that awesome business owner that seems to know how to increase sales and suck the juice out of every advertising venue. I would love to be that pilot that can log hours into destinations that become the center of new adventures and more writing. I could be the woman who speaks about God in a way that would set fire to hearts desiring more to know who He is and why He does the things He can only do. I would love to be that rocking mom that makes her kids laugh, enjoy their lives and feel inspired to make the right choices for their lives. I would love to be that woman who leaves her husband breathless and always thinking of her. I admit right now I am these things in some ways, small ways really. Nevertheless to try to be all of them, leaves me without accomplishing any of these.
I haven’t written in a long time and I guess part of that is that I’ve been trying too hard. I can be the writer that writes when inspiration comes or when I realize nothing fulfills like a good typing exercise. I do work slowly when I can at this small business I have when time allows. I am the pilot that dreams of being in the air and does what it can to stay connected until the money flows enough to help me fly. I do speak and encourage all that I meet to believe in a God that cares and is willing to love. I am the mom that flusters herself trying so hard to do all and do it well. Then I pause. When I take the time to bathe my babies while singing songs and making airplane noises while I brush their teeth, I do become someone I admire. My husband still says I keep him on his toes and thinks of me often.
Life happens, your expectations didn’t match your reality. My expectations did not match and to try to fight it with all my might, leads to missing out to what I have right now. So I pause and work with what is in my hands. It’s not perfect in the way that I would want it and though it was a tough day today I realized it. I sang with a giraffe puppet in my hands making my toddler laugh hysterically and it hits me. I can be this and this is pretty good. This is the woman I am and the one I want to be, one that uses what she has to live, embrace and bless.
A fresh morning air flows through the wind socks on the hats of several visitors. It flaps the free hats with wide brims showing the sponsoring brand of motor vehicles or airplane manufacturers. Grand Champions of the past wipe down the morning dew and wax the Ferrari red from the wings and bodies of their pride and joy. Years in the making, these home-built increase the white hair of their owners and lighten their billfold. There is nothing greater though than admiration from years of dedication, hard labor and courage to build and fly one’s own.
The crowds trickle in spurts carrying plastic bags from the last building. They carry new freebies from this year and a few hang from the loops of their pants or fanny packs. Paper fans, battery operated fans, candy, flyers, stickers, flags, key chains and remove before flight tags flinch at the mass of bodies moving down the corridors. Each visitor has a personal opinion, a story to share or a memory to create. Each salesman or booth worker asks themselves at every hour, when their lucky time will come. They know all too well what happens at each airshow. They know the crowds, the feelings, the pride, the comments and many at times they know your story too.
One man approaches and decides to speak to a particular company member. He asks her questions to test her knowledge on the products and aviation. She seems to know and answers adequately, therefore, the man needs to find a weak point. He names the several planes he flies and the times he flew them in and how he manages to keep them running on his own private airstrip. She nods and agrees those are fun airplanes and they do take plenty of maintenance. He impresses her more to state the various reasons to why he would not buy the product she sells. She responds to each concern and adds the reasons why the product would fit his flying. He continues to ask until he finds the weak point in the product. It does not match his equipment or avionics. He’s particular to a certain brand. He walks away shaking his head at the simplicity and irrelevancy of the product. She steps back to nod to a colleague, yes she is the lucky one for this hour.
Life has a way of weaving us through different paths. It shapes and shakes the one walking in it through untested terrains. Our choices have a great impact and at times though not our first choice we leave behind dreams hoping to return to them one day. Flying, like a dream that took place once, I left to pursue other goals and dreams. Time passed and though it flickered in my heart to take flight, life seemed too difficult to overcome. At last a new front passed through and a new path opened up bringing to life what I once knew. The wind rushed under me trying to lift me but my wings were dirty and heavy. My wings were rusty and inflexible. I took some time to study, to remember, to ponder again what it means to take flight. Another rush of wind came along and a flux of procedures, speeds and power settings set in my bank of memories rushed out. A window opened and though I thought I couldn’t and it had been too long, I still tried. A blur of words and a giggle on the radio and my low confidence pushed through the jitters and I took command. I flew. My heart took flight again, I took control of the airplane and it dawns on me,
“I dont know what God sees in me, to allow me to do this, for I am not a captain, I’m the crew.”
And I hear in the depths of my heart, “I’ve always seen you this way, Captain.”
Author’s note: God does see us higher than we see ourselves. Have you experienced something that makes you doubt you’re the right person for it but yet you’re able to accomplish it?
How much do you love it or yearn for it? The cold from your clothes shift to a wet warmth. Drops of morning dew do not refresh the sticky soul. Every breath opens pores as they seek relief. Your thoughts pour like drops of sweat asking again, “is it worth it?” You press through and persevere hoping the reward would be more than fitting the sacrifice. You pass the point of no return, where if you do not try, time was lost. Then you relax at the first embrace of air. You feel that cool breeze that steals away the sting of heat and the deep silence above no one knows of but the summer pilot.
A peaceful morning begins with a slow walk to the ramp, where the object of your adventures sleeps.
Covers removed before flight
Propeller cleared of obstructions
No dents or scratches to the fuselage
Wings spread out in welcome
Rudder lock removed and cleared
Windshield wiped of all the buggies
Gassed up and ready to go
Taxiing to the end of the runway, the air calls your attention and the morning truly begins. Full power, airspeed alive, ailerons to the wind and add some back pressure.
Suddenly, the stall horn interrupts my peace, blaring in my ears and I realize I’m not lifting an airplane from the ground, I’m lifting a baby with another exhaust leak.